Thursday, June 8, 2023
HomeUncategorizedNkechi Bianze: Stop Making Silly Excuses For Domestic Violence!

Nkechi Bianze: Stop Making Silly Excuses For Domestic Violence!

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Nkechi Bianze -Domestic Violence

My friend’s colleague said he will never marry a white woman. When my friend asked why…..He said because you cannot BEAT a white woman. As soon as you touch them, they will call the police, press charges and divorce you.

My friend said he was shocked, but I wasn’t. So many Nigerian men living abroad have this notion. But most of them will never voice it.

When my friend asked him “…….but are you planning to beat your wife?”, he laughed and was like “you know nah, our Nigerian women will always stick with you”.

The other day, I wrote that to a huge extent, PEOPLE TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU PERMIT THEM. There’s hardly any Nigerian man married to a Caucasian woman who will raise his hands on her, no matter the provocation.

When they get tired of the marriage, they divorce. A vast majority of them certainly do not try their lucks.

This is because the average white woman will not take such nonsense from you.

So many people argue about the system which gives them the opportunity to call on the police, whenever they want, and get justice. This is very true. The system does more to help secure people from domestic violence.

A good system empowers the vulnerable in any society.

1. A police officer here will not tell you to take the issue of domestic violence to your Pastor or village elders because it’s a family issue. They will treat it as the criminal case that it is.

2. The society will not stigmatize you or make you feel any less human if you decide to get divorced from an abusive spouse, you will rather be seen as a survivor.

3. Even in cases where the abused is financially dependent on the abuser, a functional society will take up the responsibility for the care of the abused till he or she gets back on the feet.

Nigerian women generally do not have the luxury of the 3 points above, that’s the reason they tend to stay put in domestic violence rather than walk out of the abusive marriages.

And that is also the reason I laugh at my friend’s colleague because he is ignorant. He certainly doesn’t know what he is saying. Because as soon as most Nigerian women get into such societies, they acclamatize, know their rights, and a good number of them equally become no nonsense takers.

The average Nigerian man in the UK has a much lower tendency to beat his wife than the average Nigerian man living in Nigeria.

No, the acclaimed “provocations” did NOT necessarily reduce, but they seldom do because they know THERE ARE GRAVE CONSEQUENCES.

People tend to misbehave more if they believe there will be no consequences.

A man will more likely beat a woman who will take abuse than a woman who has zero tolerance for abuse.

I get infuriated and feel my intelligence insulted whenever people attribute domestic violence to a woman’s foul mouth, just like the nonsense Yul Edochie voiced recently.

Do these men who claim provocation beat up their fellow men who provoke them? How many times have you heard of a man beating up his female boss because she provoked him?

Provocation is part of life. People will always provoke you as long as you are living, do you go about fighting and beating them all up?

Let’s cut the chase…

Domestic violence is more about the need to abuse power without any expected consequence than it is anything else.

I also get bored of hearing people make it sound like respect in marriage is what a woman gives to a man. I personally would love and respect my husband FOR AS LONG AS he loves and respects me.

Respect is what a husband and wife give to each other.

Unfortunately and sadly, many Nigerians are just as ignorant as Yul Edochie, who believes that domestic violence is the fault of the victim, and that respect in marriage is what a woman should give to a man, not necessarily what a man should give to a woman.


Written by: Nkechi Bianze.

Nkechi Bianze is a student, feminist advocate and a  fearless writer. You can follow her on Facebook to read more of her intresting arquements here 



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