My Opinion, Experience & Life Lessons From Netflix ‘The Tinder Swindler’

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“I‘m quite sure at least 50% of us have bought from a Tindler Swindler character online – specifically because we’ve been sold the dream, not to mention the status we feel is transferred to us by said person in the process.

I’ve never been conned by a man romantically but in the past 10 years I’ve have lost tens of thousands in fraud, coaching/course fees, business deals, client non-payment ALL on the basis of trusting what someone said or purported themselves to be rather than looking at the facts.

Despite suffering low self-esteem as a teen and young adult, it was never linked to needing validation from a man. Even as a teen I was unlikely to seek my validation from a romantic partner.

No, my lack of self-esteem – or so I thought, had everything to do with my belief (based on personal experience) that Money = power, respect, importance and happiness.

Without it I had nothing, was nothing and deserved even less.

I’ve always wanted to be rich. I hated being viewed as poor, knowing what it meant for my life chances.

I quickly learned that looking the part would get me far in life and I capitalised on that.

People believed I was better off than I was.

It enabled me to walk through life as a somebody rather than a nobody.

I dated well ‘above my station’. Attracting professionals and millionaires who usually dated in their pool.

For a girl who sold her dinner tickets to get chocolate at school, this was winning.

So when a coaching, investment or business opportunity came up that directly promised those results, wrapped in a great big designer bow, guess who was all over it?

I’m glad for every instance that happened because it finally taught me one thing…

The best investments I have or can make are ALWAYS in myself.

My education, my investments, my skill set, my environment, my health, my personal or business growth…

In 2012 I put £150 in bitcoin, I could afford to lose? which I now worth a lot more (even if I’ve lost the password to access it 😭😭😭)

That same year I ‘invested’ 12k of my redundancy package I couldn’t afford to lose, in a promise from a random company based on a BBC logo’d video, inflated return figures and professional looking investor pack.

The 12k funded the lifestyle of some white-collar criminals. The only solace is that the scam was so sophisticated, people far wealthier and more financially savvy than me were also taken in.

Its only just going through the court process now.

Imagine if those figures were switched.

How much would that 12k I used to bet on me, be worth now?

How many of us, a bit green around the gills have spent the equivalent of £150 betting on ourselves while gladly giving £12k to someone just because they APPEAR to be ‘better’ than us or have the ability to offer us something we can’t give to ourselves?

The craziest thing about it all is if some of us took the money we invested in others to help us attain the lifestyle desired, we’d have found we always had the ability to do so – and we could have cut out the middle person.

This is not to say we should do everything on our own or never hire a coach or any other expert to help us get ahead, just that the number of houses, logos, Chanel bags or private jet pics should not be the reason we hire them.

What we believe WE can achieve as a result of the engagement coupled with their ability to offer support towards that outcome in the way we need, probably should.

Written by: Brenda Gabriel

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