Editors Thought: Freedom Vs Marriage, Are Women Elegantly Stepping Away From Marriage?


Not Getting Married

After watching Shonda Rhimes, Mastermind of hit series “Scandal”, “Grey’s Anatomy” and “How to Get Away with Murder”, in a candid interview with Oprah Winfrey for the “SuperSoul Sunday” show. She stated and i quote, ” I didn’t want to get married at all, i said that out loud, to my families, to my friends“. Oprah also accepted she felt the same way, then i realised that this is a situation so many young adults, both men and women will experience at some point in their lives.

When a woman say she does not want to get married, what automatically comes into mind is ‘she okay, is she normal?  study from the National Marriage Project found that more and more young adults today are delaying marriage because they see it as a capstone that comes after achieving one’s life goals, profession and much more.

Women and Marriage

Hit TV director and producer, Shonda Rhimes is 45 years and the mother of 3 beautiful girls, she revealed to Opera that she has never wanted to get married. Here is the full excerpts of how she saw marriage.

“It feels obvious and maybe silly or something to people who are married or people who are older, people who have been through it. But if you’re a woman in your 30s or 40s, that’s a big deal. Everybody’s asking you all the time if it’s going to happen … There’s a huge amount of pressure. It’s a lot like the desire to want to have children in our society. You’re supposed to want it, and if you don’t want it, what’s wrong with you?”

About children: “I’m one of those people, since I was 5, I could tell you I was going to have kids. I could tell you I was going to have three. I could tell you they were going to be girls,” she says. But I have never wanted to get married. I never played bride. I was never interested. I don’t know what it is; I never wanted to get married.”

About dating: “I love having boyfriends. I love dating. I do not want a husband in my house.”

About Husband: “I have so much going on inside my head in terms of writing, there’s such a large space in my life taken up by that. I can’t imagine it being taken up by a husband and children and writing, and everything getting its due. I don’t believe there is room for all of it.  I really don’t. There may be some people who are doing it and who are very happy and who love it. And I am not knocking any of you. It’s never been a dream of mine [to be married].”

Feeling relieve about what she said, she added “It was really freeing to say it out loud. I always felt like it was a dirty little secret.”

Oprah Winfrey agreed with her and shares her own thoughts on marriage, saying.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever said this publicly, but I really wanted to be wanted to be married. I wanted Stedman to want to marry me. The moment he asked me to marry him I was, like… ‘Now I actually have to get married?’ I was supposed to do a book at the same time and the wedding and the book were happening around the same time. We were on our way from the book party and Stedman said he did not want to have his wedding disturbed by all these people asking me about the book (which I ended up not doing). I said, ‘OK. All right. So he said, ‘We should just postpone this wedding. I said, ‘OK.’ And that was it. We have never discussed it again.What I realized is, I don’t want to be married. Because I could not have the life that I created for myself … I knew that I couldn’t do it.”

Men Women Marriage

This also takes me back to a very dear friend who has a partner but doesn’t want to get married or have kids. For years, i hopped she will change her mind, up until this day, she hasn’t change her mind, she loves her job and owns a beautiful dog. It has also come to my notice that more women are taking the same decision and the number is definitely increasing.  Sometimes its not only about going for that big career like Opera and Shonda did, it could simply be who you are and how you want to leave your life.

Other Factors That Can Interfare In Decrease Of Marriage Decision Includes

  • Divorce Rate: Many women will take a look at divorce rate and decide not to get married at all
  • Being There, Done That: Most women who’ve been married before after a horrible experience avert from it for good.
  • Power: There is so much a woman can do, Most hard working women who’s eye are on a trophy in a work place wouldn’t have time for marriage and family.
  • Work: Some women who work in a certain environment have little or no time to date or even find a life partner.
  • Trust Issues: Women who are very self centred or self absorbed wouldn’t have enough room for marriage.
  • Violence: Women who witness violence against women might find it very difficult to get married.
Family and Marriage
These are some of the list i came up with, however, the list can go on. To conclude my point, the hectic lifestyle of todays generation women is gradually suppressing marriage. A happy marriage requires a serious commitment of time and energy, that can be hard to maintain and not everyone is cut out or have the time for it. Marriage values are being suppressed by divorce rate thus forcing some couples to have kids in a civil relationship. Whether you’re young or old, it is ok in some cases, even beneficial to never get married. As for me, I am very happy with my husband and 2 kids and that makes me happy.

Do not forget to let me know what you think about the topic by voicing your opinion below.

Written by: Noellin Imoh-Griffiths

Noellin Imoh


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