Lack of attraction leads to frustration in every relationship –
(Ferdinard Senyo Lawson)
We all need affection in our lives and most importantly in our relationships and marriages. Just as water is good for plants’ growth, affection is vital in the growth of every relationship. No plant can survive without water.
Water is an essential part for every living organism. Therefore, for a farmer who wants his or her plants to grow and bear much fruits, he or she must learn to water it. Water plays four major roles in the development and growth of every plant.
It helps to germinate seeds, helps in the process of photosynthesis by which plants prepare their food, transports nutrients and minerals from the soil to the plants, helps in the maintenance of plant and providing strength to the plant tissues.
Just as plants need water and our body needs regular balanced diet or nutritious meals to grow and survive, our relationships or marriages need affection to develop, grow and last longer.
Our relationships starve and die (fall apart) when we fail to give enough affection to our partners. The grass will not get green until you water it. When we show affection to our partners, it helps to cement or glue the relationship together in love and harmony.
Just as fuel is needed to carry a vehicle from point A to B, affection can be regarded as the fuel that pushes the relationship forward. Without affection in a relationship, couples stagnate and the relationship fails.
Affection promotes and provides security for the relationship. It is like a foundation of a building. Without a solid foundation, a building has no future. The building collapses when the foundation is not strong and solid enough to hold it when storm comes against it. This is what happens to our relationships when we lack affection for each other.
Lack of affection has the potential to hurt our relationships. It limits the level of intimacy couples have for each other and creates unnecessary stress, pressure and pain. It makes couples feel lonely, unloved, and undeserved If your husband or wife is not showing much affection to you in the relationship, please find time to talk about it amicably.
We shouldn’t forget that we are all built differently and have different ways of expressing our love. However, if you are not sure about the love your partner is showing you, please, talk about it. Couples who learn to discuss or talk about things in their relationships live in intimacy and eliminate assumptions and doubts from their relationship.
It is also very important that when a husband or wife expresses how he or she feels, it is taken seriously and dealt with before it destroys the marriage. If a couple opens up regarding the causes of their mood or emotion about the way things are going in the relationship, the other partner should be helpful and caring enough to have time to listen.
This could be something that may be destroying him or her. An atmosphere should be created for that partner to express him or herself freely without being seen as a nagger or complainer. Affection promotes respect and appreciations in a relationship Couples who express affection to each other enjoy respect and appreciation from each other. This is one of the ways couples enjoy long-lasting union.
Respecting and appreciation each other as couples prevent intimidation and undermining of each other especially in public places. They don’t yell, raise or shout at each other, or become rude to each other. They understand the need or the place of respect in building a healthy and lovely relationship. Respect is not commanded but given in order to attract it back.
Therefore, when couples have affection for each other, they are able to respect each other for whom they are. Couples who respect each other are able to show support and value each other’s independence or contribution in the relationship.
As we all know and understand, affection is something we all need especially from our partners. Therefore, if you are losing that affection for your husband or wife, please, talk about it and come to terms with reviving that affection for your partner. Perhaps in the upbringing of your spouse, he or she was not taught how to show affection.
Talking about this will help you to understand your partner and help them to develop or show you that affection you are looking for in your relationship. If you are the one from whom your partner wants to regain affection, it is very important that you humble yourself to speak about it to your partner and let them help you to embark on the journey. It does not take much to please our partners.
It only takes simple things to rekindle the fire in the relationship. I remember many years back I struggled to show affection to my wife in some areas and that was hurting her without my knowledge. My wife always says to me that she loves me and for many years, I have always answered her that, I know.
Now, this was the way I grew up as a child who never heard my parents telling me how they loved me and cared about what I did. So I never knew how to respond to my wife. In the long run, it was a particular relationship conference we attended together in church. During the questions and answers session, my wife asked the question about how to handle a husband who never says he loves you but, says “I KNOW”
In fact, I felt very bad and learned my lesson from that day and began responding appropriately to her. We are not the perfect couple, but we have been enjoying our relationship since then. Are you losing your affection for your partner? This is the time to talk about it. There could be simple things you can both do to revive affection for each other.
My wife now calls me “HONOURABLE” because I have learnt to show affection to her by responding affectionately to her when she tells me she loves me. Talking about things concerning how one feels about their partner helps to deal with blind spots preventing them from enjoying their union. If you are looking for ways to regain affection from your partner, you could also begin to communicate your need specifically. Maybe you are the one who loves hugging, kissing, cuddling, and holding of hands.
You must be able to communicate that to your partner and never expect that change will occur overnight. If you think or assume that you are losing affection for your partner, I would encourage you to talk about the issue with your partner.
Let him or her understand how that affects you and solve it amicably so that others will not be affected. Couples should learn to be frank with each other and express their feelings regardless of how difficult it may seem. It is better to talk about things in your relationship in private before they explode in public.
Learn to communicate and revive your relationship by building the broken bridges of affection. It is possible things can work again in your relationship. Never give up on each other but talk about things. You can and must talk about it!
Ferdinard Lawson graduated from Sussex University and holds a BSc Degree in Public Health and Social Care. He is the Founder & C.E.O of Ferdinard Lawson Empowerment & Inspirational Agency C.I.C (FLEiA.CIC) in UK, Public Health Professional, Author, Lifestyle Coach, Transformational & Public Speaker and Publication Consultant. He is a Multiple Awards Winning Author, Public Speaker and a Lifestyle Coach. He has published many inspirational, motivational books, and leadership books and full member of the Royal society for Public Health. England. He is currently the Co-Chairman of Mega (Kingston Hospital Trust.