“Although going into a guy’s room and walking around naked is not a justification for him to rape me. If he decides to rape me, and we both live in Nigeria, about 90% will blame me, and there’s a 95% chance that I won’t get justice. Reference to the fact that there’s been less than 50 recorded rape prosecutions in a country like Nigeria with a rape culture.
If you are in Nigeria and you walk around a Nigerian man’s house naked and he rapes you, the man is guilty of the crime rape. BUT, it can’t go without saying that you haven’t acted wisely. That’s like giving a gun to a serial killer who kills for fun, in a country with very appalling history of NOT prosecuting most serial killers. You have got everything to lose my friend.
This is NOT victim blaming. This is me encouraging ADULTS that they have a responsibility of protection towards themselves. And the first of such responsibility is to stop putting themselves in harm’s way.
I have a serious problem with the one sided sermons that 1. “even though you are already thrusting and she says stop, if you continue thrusting, then that’s rape” and 2. “Even though a girl comes to your room and strips naked with an open genitals, no means no”.
My problem isn’t that these notions are incorrect, but that the lines are too blur for the one sided preachings.
While you tell these guys about consent as they apply to even the most bizarre situations, can you spell it out to girls that is is indeed STUPID to go into a guy’s room, strip naked and spread her legs, if she’s got no intention of having sex with the guy? Can we also tell girls that if they know for sure that they don’t want to go all the way, that it is wrong to lead a guy on only to withdraw consent halfway into penetration?
I will teach my boys not to rape. I will teach my boys not to have sexual contact with anyone at all without consent.
I will also teach my girls that going to a man’s house to pass the night and walking around or sleeping naked on his bed is a very stupid thing to do, if you’ve got no intention of having sex with such a man.
As much as I would teach my son not to touch a girl without her consent; I wouldn’t want a girl who hasn’t consented to sex with my son to parade herself almost naked in his room. I would call the cops on her and charge her for sexual harassment.
I will speak out against slavery in Libya.
I will also condemn and analyze the stupidity of those Nigerians and Africans who have continued trying to sneak into Europe illegally, enroute Libya.
I mean, the hazards are extreme. If you don’t die in the seas, you will die of starvation in the deserts, or get rescued and turned into a slave. Why would a sane human decide to face such risk?
One of the first questions a police officer would ask you if you report burglary is whether you locked your door. If you say no, they would ask you why, and warn you to try lock your doors so as to prevent thieves from gaining easy access into your house.
Again, this is NOT victim blaming on the part of the police. They just expect that the law of common sense says every adult owes his or herself a duty of care, protection, and self preservation.
Telling people how to keep safe and avoid being victims of crime does NOT always amount to victim blaming, neither does it exonerate the wrong doer or criminal. Sometimes, it could just be a life saving sermon.
Willingly going to pass the night in a man’s house and walking around his house naked, then screaming rape and insulting the Nigerian government, police and lawyers for not protecting you from rape…. is like…… keeping your millions and expensive assets in front of your house, leaving the door widely open, then later screaming “thief thief” and blaming the Nigerian police, lawyers and government for not ensuring the safety of your money and assets.
YOU as a sane adult owe yourself the greatest responsibility to do all you can to keep yourself from harm’s way.
If we apply these precautions in other aspects of our lives, we should also apply them when it comes to rape, and landing yourself as a slave in Libya.
I’m NOT saying that every woman who gets raped paraded herself naked. But when we push the narrative that “even though a girl walks around naked in your room, no means no”, we also need to take out time to tell girls that it is STUPID to parade themselves naked in a man’s bedroom if they’ve got no intention of having sex with him. Because we can’t subtly promote sexual harassment while speaking against rape.
Let me tell you what we all know but fail to admit because we are trying too hard to sound politically correct and liberal…….
A woman who was walking on the street then suddenly got dragged and raped, and a woman who went into a man’s house to strip naked then got raped are both victims of rape!
One person will have an easier case in court and attract more sympathy from the law enforcement agents and the public than the other. Because while the courts try to nail rapists, they are also trying NOT to nail innocent people. And if considering the circumstances, you aren’t able to prove your case, your case would be dismissed due to lack of evidence.
It is one thing to be raped, it is another thing to be able to prove your case beyond reasonable doubts in court. Because as far as I know, judges are more careful not to punish innocent people than they are enthusiastic about punishing guilty people. Because in Law, it is always preferable for 99 guilty people to get away free than for 1 innocent person to be punished.
Do your own bits in protecting yourself before you start expecting others to do their own bit on your behalf. No one can nail common sense into you.
Written by: Nkechi Bianze