“My obsession with reading and watching movies started quite early. My parents were not huge on parental guidance or censoring, so at age 8 I was already bored of Roald Dhal, Enid Blyton, Baby Sitter’s Club, Mallory Towers e.t.c and moving on to V.C Andrew, Danielle Steel e.t.c. I never had a Mills and Boon or Harlequin phase like most girls, at the time, did. I loathed those books. I felt they were too short and ended too quickly. Also, the romance was too easy- the stories almost always ended the same way and seemed a little too fabricated.
I believe my obsession with V.C Andrew was the greatest! I remember the day I found the movie for “Flowers in the Attic” in my mom’s room, I dusted it and ran downstairs to watch it. I had already read the entire series and was super elated about finding the visual version. Unfortunately, my elder sister (who is a bully, by the way) joined me in the sitting room, and when she saw me rewind a kissing scene twice, she got irritated. She said something rude like: “This is why you rushed to watch this film, okwa ya? So that you can be watching people who are kissing?”
The tone of her voice showed that she was already convinced that my mind was “decayed”. She had failed to see the magic in the kiss that got me entranced though. The magic that would have captivated her as well, had she been paying attention.
The screen couple did not wait for the cheesy, divine moment where they were lost in each other’s eyes. The man did not ask the girl, “Do you want me to kiss you?” He just grabbed her and kissed her. It was different. It was genuine. It was perfect.
Perhaps my longing for that kind of magic was the reason I did not have my first kiss until I was 24. That, and maybe the fact that I also hated anything that involved saliva. I had met guys that gave me goosebumps and made me want to just pounce on them and suck their faces off, but something almost always went wrong.
Most guys want to receive “clear signals” from the girl before they kiss her – the moment when they look into her eyes and she looks back long enough to give him a reason to lean into her for a kiss. That is understandable; you don’t want to be embarrassed or piss her off.
Also, you are worried about consent issues and coming off as creepy or too forward, horny, or disrespectful. But what if you really like this girl? You feel like you she likes you too, and you want to let her know just how much you feel in a kiss… but you keep missing the perfect moment or your attempts to initiate it keeps failing. Maybe each time you try to hold her gaze, she looks away or she has a blank look in her eyes. What next?
I asked someone this question and he said, “I will ask her if I can kiss her to save us the stress. If she says yes, fine; and if she says No, it’s still okay”
But I say, no need for too much talk just shut the hell up and kiss her. Seriously, just do it.
You can catch her off guard with a kiss or you can take a deep breath, look at her, lean in gently, and just do it slowly. A bright glowing neon sign that says “YOU CAN KISS ME NOW!” does not have to appear on her forehead. You don’t need a perfect moment. You don’t need to prepare a speech to seek permission. That will too much talk.
Besides, asking her if you can kiss her could actually backfire, because she could feel like you are putting her on the spot and withdraw, even when she wants you to. Sometimes, you need to speak with your actions rather than words from your mouth. The fact that she is there with you, listening, and your gut feeling says she is into you, there is a strong chance she wants you to kiss her too. Grab her, pull her into you and lay it on her. And if she turns her head the other way or pushes you back, just apologize and say you got the wrong idea. It’s still okay. Isn’t it?
Written by: Nkem Ndem, a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for online writing(web content and blog) and editing, screenwriting, ghost writing, copy proofreading and reviews. She has since worked with Jumia, SpiceTV Africa, Bella Naija and Glam Africa. Check out her Instagram: @kem_dem, twitter: @ndemv and snapchat:@ndemv. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org