The social media was recently held agog, by the news of a Nigerian Prophet whose marriage reportedly ended after three months, because his wife left him for not keeping his promise to send her to school.
It got a lot of people reacting in several ways. While others supported the lady’s action, other groups felt it was wrong of her to leave him because of that.
I am of the school of thought that won’t criticize the lady for her action since an agreement was reached before marriage. If he was plain enough to say “I cannot fund your studies,” it would have saved him this embarrassment.
This brings us to an observation universally acknowledged to be a fact – that most Nigerian men now prefer courting a girl whose parents must have trained her in school, to a girl who they’re to train. The reasons for this preference are not far-fetched. From what I’ve observed, it’s mainly rooted in two reasons.
The first reason being because of fear – and this is valid – for the ladies of this generation. There seems to be a high rate of divorce cases in the society, given various issues in today’s marriages. But I want to believe these issues have always been there. It’s just that our mothers were extremely tolerant when it comes to the ills of certain fathers, and vice-versa.
It’s different in this generation where tolerance is low. There is this thriving fear of breaking up in future, so some men aren’t ready to go through those sacrifices of training a wife that could leave them tomorrow.
The second reason being because of the economy. Most men cannot afford to fund their dreams – it’s expensive. The poverty level keeps increasing in Nigeria and having your wife’s parents train her before marriage, saves you from expenses.
And again; even if the money was there, the fear of losing her to the current tides of ‘divorce culture’ could dissuade you from making that sacrifice.
But I believe the solution to all this is bordered on the type of love, and trust.
If I trust you enough to believe that you won’t abandon me tomorrow after loving you wholeheartedly, then I don’t see why I shouldn’t invest in your studies, if I can afford it.
If he can afford it and there’s a belief of “wholeheartedly” from both parties, then he’ll sponsor her education. Even if he can’t afford it, that belief could inspire him to source for an avenue.
“Trust” and “Loving Wholeheartedly” are often taken for granted these days – they’re hard to come by.
These things matter.
Written by: Edward Amah