“You gave up your fame just to give us a home.”
This statement has generated a lot of hatred for the Veteran Actor Richard Mofe Damijo, who celebrated his 21st wedding anniversary with his wife Jumoke on December 29.
These were his exact words:
“Can’t believe we are 21 years today! My Abike, My Abk, My Abiks. Strong and courageous. Gave up your fame to make us a home! ‘One in the family is enough’ you said! Unworthy me. Thank you for yesterday, today, and forever.
I love you big time!”
A lot of women/ladies didn’t like his style of celebration, because, according to a comment on Facebook, the wife’s sacrifice is “decorated slavery.”
As justification for the recent outpour of anger, I believe the post of a certain Nkechi Bianze holds some of the reasons:
“I do NOT want to be remembered as that wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, or person who gave up her career, dreams, goals, or aspirations to let others thrive.
I’m NEITHER a messiah nor an aspiring martyr of some sort.
I do NOT believe that I need to bend for others to stand. Why can’t we all stand together?”
She went ahead to state that the idea of one person making sacrifices doesn’t make sense to her. Attached are comments from people who didn’t like the idea.
I agree with her on some points, because no matter how famous/successful I become, it won’t be at the expense of my wife’s dreams. The sky is big and should contain both our successes. I saw a comment on Twitter where a guy said “no be the woman suppose throway her dreams?” and it seemed inappropriate. It seems unfair when it appears as if women are mostly the ones giving up on their dreams, even though some were not forced to do so.
Two days ago, I had an emotional long night call with a girl who pursued her dreams fearlessly, and I understand why some ladies could decide to be angry with RMD. I almost wept for all she had to pass through to eventually become a doctor.
I’m just wondering how it would feel for her future husband to make her drop her dreams, because of his. It wouldn’t be fair.
She’s one of the smartest girls you’ll ever come across, yet the Nigerian University Admission system kept failing her. Her father wanted her to study other courses being given to her, but she said no. “I’ve always wanted to care for people,” she told me, yet she managed to get admission when her classmates were already graduating from the university.
Of course, some persons accepted other courses — just to be done with school — but she wouldn’t. And sadly, when she eventually got admission to study medicine, the NUC strike happened during her first year.
She began listening to a voice who advised her to head towards the Philippines. She begged her dad, but he refused because he had that idea of “my only daughter won’t go outside — I didn’t do it for the boys, and what makes you think I’ll allow you?” She kept praying and he accepted.
Upon her arrival at the Philippines, she was told she wouldn’t enter the school of medicine without doing a health-related course. The courses were all 4years courses, and it wasn’t funny. But the girl with dreams didn’t give up. She went for nursing, after which she enrolled in medicine. It was a total of almost 9years. She even won a national award in the Philippines as a nursing student, and I remember seeing it in a Nigerian Newspaper.
I never knew it was my good friend.
She’s currently running a Masters program in Uk, and I was amazed at the level of focus she gave towards her dreams.
Tomorrow, it would definitely not sound good for her to end her path, simply because of a certain husband. I believe this is where some of these ladies are coming from, in the posts I’ve seen, even though some of the posts are laced with anger.
When my mother died and I realized it would be hard for my father, I paused parts of my dreams because of family, but I never ended them. I was about to leave Nigeria but had to stay back. There are situations that could make me not pause while attending to family, but I sadly wasn’t having that option. If I had that option, I would have taken it. However, it was my decision, and no one forced me into it.
I am mainly saying that dreams can be paused a bit, and not given up on, like seen in the case of RMD’s wife. With his influence, he can even make her a star now, if he wants to. I believe the uncomfortable ladies across social media, must have asked “why can’t he help her actualize her fame now?”
The answer could be this: Maybe she doesn’t want that fame any longer. And if that’s the case, her decisions are valid. Like a Facebook user, EstyJazz Adeleye said “It’s her decision to make and she made it, it’s working for them.”
Another Facebook user Nyiedum Kue, had this to say: “It’s not every time we assume it’s the man’s decision. It wasn’t even up for discussion. It’s something I knew I had to do.”
I believe the ladies recently attacking RMD, should take it easy on him — his statement could just be an appreciation of her decision. It doesn’t necessarily mean that a wife must give up her dreams for that of the man.
This could just be an excited loving man, vocalizing how lucky he was to have her — we weren’t furnished with enough details that revealed he forced her into it. He even added “unworthy me” in the appreciation post.
So far as he didn’t state that wives should all give up their dreams, it’s proper that we all see it as an appreciation post.
HERE ARE SOME OF THE REACTION
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Written by: Edward Amah