“In 2013, a STINKING rich man proposed marriage to me. Yes, I saw his wealth. This is not “dem say dem say”. The man is a bragger, so in an attempt to make me see how “big a fish” he is, and probably consider myself fortunate to have him, he took me round all his houses in London, and showed me documents to almost all he owned, both home and abroad.
Let me tell you the truth, I almost settled. The wealth was enticing, too much to just let go.
This man told me so many things. I thought about it for days, I finished a sachet of paracetamol. Have you ever thought over something so hard you started having reoccurring headaches? Yeah, that’s why I needed paracetamol.
I spoke with a very close friend, and she told gave me her own sisterly and friendly advice in good faith. Paraphrased…. “Nkechi, I know you are smart. You shouldn’t let this your feminism thing make you stupid. Just marry this man. Get your citizenship through him. You can be rest assured that he can’t raise a finger at you because this is not Nigeria. The metropolitan police will send him to jail, and he won’t want that because he knows he has a lot to lose. If after you get your citizenship or PR and you are tired of the marriage, DIVORCE HIM! He is rich, you will be entitled to at least 25% of his wealth. Then you can cash out with a British passport and too much money”.
I went back home and started thinking over my friend’s advice. I suffered “too-much-thinking-induced-headache”. Spent money on paracetamol. *See me see money o*.
I was doing my LLM in London at the time. I knew the Law, and I knew that all my friend told me was true. But then the question; “Is this really the type of life I want to live?” The answer was No!
After over a month, I had to PAINFULLY tell this man that it wasn’t going to work out.
Why? Long story. But in a nutshell, we were two very different people from two different planets.
No, I would NOT say he is a bad man, neither will I call myself a bad girl, we were just completely INCOMPATIBLE. I would never have been happy being his wife, even just for a day.
If I had married him, in just five years, I would have sucked him dry and throw him out like a piece of trash. Yes, I would have divorced him after getting as much as I would have been able to get from him.
We all have our days of reflection, days when we look back and reflect on some of the life choices we’ve made, then maybe ask ourselves “did I really make the right decision/choice?”.
Yesterday, I received a rejection letter yet again. That’s the third rejection letter I have received over the past one week. I have been applying to several cooperate bodies and individual business owners for something I want to venture into, and I have received so many rejections.
After I read the rejection yesterday, I got a bit fed up. Then I started to reflect.
Maybe if I had kept feminism aside for just five years, I would have been cruising a big car in Oxford street London. I would have been married to a very rich man, I would have “secured” myself financially. I would have been 3-4 years gone into my 5-year mission of marriage. Maybe, maybe, maybe…. but I know I wouldn’t have been as poor as I am now.
I’m getting rejection letters from left, right and centre. Why? Just for a few millions. An amount that would have meant nothing to my husband. All I would have done to get the money deposited in my bank account would probably just have been to cook “my husband” his favourite meal, and give him some mind blowing rounds of sex. And he would have done his beloved wife’s bidding.
Yes, for a moment yesterday, I felt I probably made the wrong choice.
But I know I didn’t. The decision not to be a leech, no matter how unpopular it is can’t be the wrong choice.
After series of rejections, someday, I know someone would see the potentials in me. They will know that I’ve got the stamina and all it takes to fly as high as anyone can, but I just need a chance…. maybe the wings.
I’m enjoying the challenges of life. I’m enjoying the challenges of struggling to be a success. And I hope and keep hoping that someday, I’m gonna look back and say “I did it” with my integrity still intact.
To every young person out there who is struggling. Yeah, we all get to read countless rejection letters. The road hasn’t been easy, but nobody said it was gonna be easy. And for most of us, we’ve come too far from where we started, giving up is never going to be an option. Personally, I’d rather die trying.
DO NOT GIVE UP!
Keep pushing! Keep on keeping on!
Hopefully, someday, we will look back from where we started our journeys and smile.
We will have our stories. And we will tell our children and the generations to come that although the road wasn’t easy; we were able to overcome the hurdles, and still managed to make it to the top… somehow.
Written by: Nkechi Bianze.
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